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Tuesday, May 20, 2008

What is "Normal"?

Well, life is getting back to "normal"... whatever that is. I'm feeling better - soreness is gone - energy is returning - and life goes on. My beautiful life... my hectic life... goes on. God has been so good to me and He is patiently teaching me strange and wonderful things. He has sent people into my life to encourage me - instruct me - pamper me... He is loving me through His people...through the body of Christ. The sad thing is, I never realized how uncomfortable I am with "receiving" until now. Allowing people to minister to me feels so awkward; but I'm learning. God is beyond genius - and while He has pulled me aside for a season - He is developing others that would have never stepped up if I had continued to be strong. I am learning that my independent spirit has a root of pride in it and it is not very becoming. My "I'll do it myself" attitude has little to do with humility and a lot to do with lack of patience. And so, I am being schooled by a gentle teacher. Some days I make the grade and other days I flunk out, but nevertheless, I will finish the course! I will keep the Faith. I am confident that every test that comes my way will have a worthy lesson for me. That's how He does it - the test first - followed by the lesson. Old school.

Friday, May 2, 2008

The CAN in CANcer

Blessings continue in my life. Doctors say no chemotherapy is needed! I am so grateful. Seems my annual mammograms have paid off! Early detection made the difference in treatment! I do have to receive Radiation Treatments... about 33 of them. They are waiting to start me in June due to some important things on my calendar in May. Once I start radiation I will go five days a week until they're done. I leave for a week long cruise May 31st... so the doctor says there's no rush - by all means, go cruising! I also begin Hormone Therapy this weekend. Tamoxifen will block estrogen from attaching to other cells- since the cancer was estrogen receptor positive. The nurse took about 30 minutes to inform me of all known side effects. I'm praying for God to block all the bad and allow the good to do its job.
It is amazing what knowledge these medical professionals have. I was also tested for a genetic gene that may predispose me to cancer. If that test is positive - they may do a hysterectomy to protect me from ovarian cancer as well as lower the chance of recurring breast cancer.
One of the nurses at the Cancer Center gave me a book written by four cancer survivors entitled, "Finding The CAN in CANcer". Reading their stories of struggle caused me to realize how truly blessed I am. The title keeps ringing in my mind and heart, along with the scripture, "I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me." No matter what the circumstances - we all have to find the CAN and the WILL to do what has to be done.
A song has resonated in my soul all day long - and in the deepest part of me I sing the words over and over again...
The more I seek You - the more I find You
The more I find You - the more I love You
I want to sit at Your feet - drink from the cup in Your hand
Lay back against You and breathe - feel Your heart beat
This love is so deep - it's more than I can stand
I melt in Your peace - it's overwhelming...
This morning I read (amplified version) Psalm 29:11-30:12
"The Lord will give [unyielding and impenetrable] strength to His people; the Lord will bless His people with peace. 30:2 O Lord, my God, I cried to You and You have healed me. 30:12 To the end that my tongue and my heart and everything glorious within me may sing praise to You and not be silent. O Lord, my God, I will give thanks to You forever."
I am in awe of Him today. His peace is His blessing. The strength I feel comes from Him. Unyielding and impenetrable. His love for me takes my breath away! I CAN do this... He is with me... in Him I live and move and have my being.